I got to thinking about the future.
What if I got pregnant?
I asked mom what she thought, b/c technically if I DID keep it, I would be on my own, without Johnny's help... and mom was like, "well...? if you did keep it I would love you, though it might be a little hard explaining to your kid later that the father wanted to punch me in the stomach and try to kill him/her."
and she was saying that I should not even be fornicating with him if I'm not planning on marrying him.
which is true.... she said I'm just being used by him, but..... what if I'm only using him? ( I had a good point)
then if I did have a kid, would my love life go down the drain? b/c no guy wants a girl with baggage. I'd be alone with a kid for the rest of my life. :/ and everything that I dreamed for myself would never happen all b/c of one little mistake.... or a change of path, for lighter ways in thinking it.
Bambi is a handful now... I dunno if I could handle more.
Johnny and his mother doesn't want more children in the family, she said that she would gladly pay for an abortion....
which scares me...if I did... that would seriously end our relationship.
And with johnny having varicocele, it makes him highly infertile...and I'm taking birth control... but still....
I guess I'm thinking way to deep into this stuff... I'm making myself worried. (I wonder how many people actually reads this... anyone I need to worry about instead.) I'll probably feel embarrassed that others now see how much of a horn dog I am... :/ but I have to get these thoughts out, before I tell the wrong someone.
About Me
- Miss Mary
- My name is Mary... I've been called Merin, Molly, Rebecka, Marydell, my favorite-->Doodle, and.... woman. lol. A name is a name, and as long as I have one, I'm good. I live in Dallas with my boyfriend, Johnny and my boy chihuahua puppy Bambi. umm.. I'm going to college for my art associates degree now and have been through vet tech school for a year (which wasn't fun) before. I work at Aeropostale too. That is about my life in a nutshell
2 comments:
haha well I read!
And I think... f you kept it I would so be its doting uncle! lol... anddd it really makes me sad that you and johnny can have such an intense relationship with absolutley no hope for marraige... something is wrong there! ...andddddd I think his mom saying she would pay for an abortion is absolutley horrible! I mean wow thats really not saying much! ...somone's life views are a little out of sequence!
PS I love you dearly and I am so glad you are not preggers! ...and BTW since this is the SECOND time this has happened in less than a year you should prolly rethink your sexual life! haha... especially because the 3rd time is usually the charm! consider if its worth it??? Im not sure it is... I am almost positive you could get pretty used to a nice cyber-flesh purchase! haha... You of all people dont need any guy to be you, ...so dont let sleeping with just any guy mess up your plan of being you, and everything that you want to be! (very circular thought but it makes sense if you read it a few times)
Love ya doodle! A LOT! You are my forever life long friend! ...till the end!
I actually talked to Johnny's mom today and we were looking at johnny baby pictures and I said, "you know... him and I would make one hot smokin baby." and she was like, "well... one day, maybe johnny will grow up and do that with ya." so... I think her saying those evil things before.. was probably right after she spent time with her nephews or something.. b/c they're crazy! I don't think she really would want me to have an abortion.
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