new years

Starting the night, I went over to mom's house and ate dinner at the Panda Express with her and Joe. Then watched Walk the line and Mama Mia.
After the movies, I figured that Johnny would have been awake by then and I quickly drove home before midnight got around to be with him....

Got home.. and Johnny said he only slept for an hour.. which meant he was still tired as shit. So...

I sat there...
Watching tv....
while he slept next to me...
the ball dropped....
and I kissed him ever so lightly...
and brought him to bed.

Then I went back to the love sac and watched the rest of the new years eve show.. I thought to myself, "This isn't how I wanted to spend this night."
I shed a tear or two b/c I realized I just spent that one special second.. pretty much alone.

and sober for that matter...
*sniff*
well... my new years resolution is to gain a back bone to life and get fit enough for my cruise trip with Adam this upcoming summer vacation.
and to work much harder on my spring semester classes.

happy new yr.

more depressing news..

Comming from the Vet...

My sweet bambi has..."anisocoria, I suspect a lesion moving the cerebellum/optic chiasm."
basically his brain is making him do the crazy things that hes sooo cute doing. Like when he bites the air instead of your hand 6 inches away yea... that is b/c he CAN'T see your hand... in normal light, one pupil is small and the other pupil is ridiculously huge. So he basically can't focus on anything that he sees.
Then there's the high stepping walk he has... yea, its part of his brain problem.
And the shaking of the head, when I told Dr. Cobb that Joe thinks its a brain problem, Cr. Cobb realizes, jow might be right... b/c it would explain all of his other weird quirky acts.

So, now we have a true diagnosis on the problem of the shaking of the ears. Though, now Dr. Cobb said I should be aware of his actions more and be more careful with him because Bambi is in a semi risk for having a seziure.
After he said Seizure.. my thoughts flashed back when mom and I were the only ones awake and tried to calm sherman down when he was having his seizures. The eyes rolling back, the foam and bile, the teeth showing like he was the most viscious thing ever... omg. It's certainly a memory that I'll never forget.
So pretty much I was crying all the way home..and had mom try to calm me down, and convince me that nothing like that is going to happen right now.. Its just a precaution. And besides, Dr. Cobb also said that its possible that this problem could even go away as he grows up.

-___- I just feel like I can never win.

no more sparkling wiggles at this party

I worked from 8pm, till 1:30ish in the morning.
Good stuff, It almost felt like a small lock in and we were all in our comfy clothes and... I dunno, it made me feel like I was at a girl slumber party, b/c we talked about all sorts of crazy topics and I found out a lot! on my coworkers and manager sarah. lol
Overall it was some crazy fun and all we did was fold shit. ^_^ I enjoy my job... even though my back hurts.

While I was sitting on the floor with... (lets call her mandy) Mandy and I heard this cutest ring tone ever from the other girl that was folding t-shirts. You can hear this little girl (probably about 3 or 4) and the dad says,"Say 'no more sparkling wiggles here'" and this cute little girl with her speech impediment says, "no more fuckin niggors here."
OMG!!!! it was the most horrible/funny/cutest! thing I have EVER heard. I had so many mixed feelings about it.
Then I made that girl send me it to my phone.. so now I can show it to other people.. I love it. its so cute. lol.

Anyway!!! enough of that!
I remembered about my grades, seeing if I even passed the stuff or not... and thankfully, I did.
Even though I do a horrible on tests, the homework gave me a light through the tunnel.
I got..
C- Intro to Humanities
C- Art History I
B- Speech

So yea... those were part of my basics. so now I'm unsure wether I should keep doing all of my basics now or start getting more into the art classes. b/c I've been bored lately.

Ugh.... nite nite........

We're goin to Jackson

Luis' roommate right now is planning on leaving him in February....
Which could be a plus, or a minus in my situation.
I COULD! have luis, Phill and I all room together, but Luis has told me what he thought on that, but am not sure what Phill OR Johnny might like it or not. heh

More news!
Bambi's ear is getting so much better, it was first a horrible sight to even look at it, and now its not so bad. Dr. Cobb gave me a suggestion for his hair loss problem as well. He said, Melatonin would help.
I checked it in the GNC healthy pills store, and it said it was a sleeping aid! I called to make sure that Melatonin is what I heard him say, and he was like, "Yeap... thats it. although I haven't heard of any problems with over sleeping on it. For dogs, its more of an effect of shiny hair growth." so I bought it... only 6 bucks!!! thats the cheepest meds I will, and probably forever buy him! lol.

what else..... I made some sort of christmas ordament of myself.... Although, I don't have a tree to put it on... so, it kinds just sits here lookin pretty. I should make a Bambi one! That'd be awesome! lol.

I know what I'm getting for christmas, and Jessie's right, now that I know! which the suprise isn't the hardest thing now... its the waiting to open it and say its MINE! is the hard part! lol. I'm also even more excited giving out the presents for my friends and Family b/c I know for a hardcore FACT that they'll scream, pee their pants a little, and love me forevah! :D. Though, I still have a few important ones, that I should get to work on with their presents, but I dunno what to get them! :/ and I can't just ask. thats not sneaky.

I really wish my web cam could work so then I'd make little fun videos of myself instead of typing all of this shit out. It would be a whole lot easier if I just said it and not used my fingers. I also thought about going up for Thanksgiving/Christmas/and New Years up on the Collins hill one day in my life. I always wonder what my other half of my family does.. B/c I see Johnny and his family and they're ALWAYS together. They don't even miss out on the ex-wives and ex-husbands. They come too! lol. I love it.

Last two finals tomorrow!! hip hip poo-ray! Then Luis and I shall Partay like its 2009, and I will pretend I'm 21 and drink like a crazy person. lol. Cant wait.
Later Shmoes.

My Future...

It all started out when mom and I were going over to Erin's house...Sitting with mommy alone always brings up serious subjects..
Anyway... We started talking about how Erin was trying to make a life for her and Brett by buying a house, but then that idea has been stepped on since Brett's brother Chad and his friend Mike are living in the house too. Which got me thinking about my own future...
I confessed to mom, I would LOVE to get married, have children, and live the happy family life. Taking my kids to soccer and ballet practice. But I told mom that Johnny has already expressed his ideas on getting married (which for him is not going to happen) along with having children.
Which puts me into a bind, b/c I really do like him, but like what mom said, hes pulling me back.

"Don't you want to see the world? Live life as it comes to you?" Mom asked....

If I stay with Johnny till I'm in my late 20s...then I know! my life will be meaningless.
I thought about guys I already know that might seem great for me... (b/c I'm lazy and scared to meet new people)
Mom suggested Phillip, but I told her that it might be hard for us being really silly best friends and turn sexual and serious in the bedroom.. lol. (sorry phill)
Then I thought about this other guy (which I will not be saying his name.. in case he reads this) And he's sweet, generous, filled with compliments, smart, caring, sensitive towards feelings, and I think he likes my Bambi....He's like the perfect man to marry....
The only problem is that he lives pretty far away. and how in the world could I get him to me, or the other way around.

I could be just thinking out of my butt and half awake saying these things. I'm scared to see the truth, how at some point in my life, I'll have to break up with Johnny and go on with my life. :/
Makes me wanna cry just thinking about it. *Sighs*
I don't wanna think about it anymore.....