My Future...

It all started out when mom and I were going over to Erin's house...Sitting with mommy alone always brings up serious subjects..
Anyway... We started talking about how Erin was trying to make a life for her and Brett by buying a house, but then that idea has been stepped on since Brett's brother Chad and his friend Mike are living in the house too. Which got me thinking about my own future...
I confessed to mom, I would LOVE to get married, have children, and live the happy family life. Taking my kids to soccer and ballet practice. But I told mom that Johnny has already expressed his ideas on getting married (which for him is not going to happen) along with having children.
Which puts me into a bind, b/c I really do like him, but like what mom said, hes pulling me back.

"Don't you want to see the world? Live life as it comes to you?" Mom asked....

If I stay with Johnny till I'm in my late 20s...then I know! my life will be meaningless.
I thought about guys I already know that might seem great for me... (b/c I'm lazy and scared to meet new people)
Mom suggested Phillip, but I told her that it might be hard for us being really silly best friends and turn sexual and serious in the bedroom.. lol. (sorry phill)
Then I thought about this other guy (which I will not be saying his name.. in case he reads this) And he's sweet, generous, filled with compliments, smart, caring, sensitive towards feelings, and I think he likes my Bambi....He's like the perfect man to marry....
The only problem is that he lives pretty far away. and how in the world could I get him to me, or the other way around.

I could be just thinking out of my butt and half awake saying these things. I'm scared to see the truth, how at some point in my life, I'll have to break up with Johnny and go on with my life. :/
Makes me wanna cry just thinking about it. *Sighs*
I don't wanna think about it anymore.....